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You may have heard of Desire Resorts from Original Group beforeā€¦a. Yeah, that one.

A Visit to One of Germany's All-You-Can-Fuck Brothels - VICE

I was sex vacation germany that ship. And guess what else? It was fucking amazing. The kinky ocean getaway set sail from Venice, Italy, in late September, and spent seven epic days bopping iow swingers the Adriatic, making stops in five "sensual" port cities in Italy, Croatia, and Sex vacation germany, before dropping anchor in Venice once.

And per Desire tradition, the ship was clothing-optional, super erotic, and very, very sex and alcohol-friendly. An absolutely nuclear combination, my friends.

There were just so many naked people, raunchy theme nights, and horny middle-aged couples going at in public So, in essence, it was like a cruise on steroids. And Viagra. It was crowded and loud, so I smiled politely at the staff and grabbed not one, but two glasses of champagne and hastily sex vacation germany one of them into my mouth.

The second was my sip-glass that I intended to nurse for, like, an hour, but I ended up chugging that one. I opened the door sex vacation germany the deck, and lo and behold: They literally wasted no time shedding sex vacation germany clothes despite it being something brisk degrees ladies wants hot sex NY Painted post 14870 autumnal Northern Italy. And just so you know, as much as I would have loved to snap some pictures of the madness I was seeing around me to share with the world, photography was strictly prohibited in public areas of the ship.

On the second night, the theme of the evening was "Sexy Superheroes," and Sex vacation germany was sitting at a table near the pool bar, enjoying my fourth glass of wine, and there were a bunch of scantily clad couples smoking cigarettes near me.

Sex in Germany | Euro Sex Scene

One woman, who was dressed as a really slutty Wonder Woman, took a good look at my lobster-motif sweater, and wobbled over to me with her clear stripper heels, her cocktail sloshing around with each step. Why vacatiin I can't fit my tits in it," she whispered as she cupped her massive fake boobs and jiggled them. I was drunk enough at that point that I didn't care.

The dance floor was absolutely packed with drunk, middle-aged hedonists dressed as sexy versions of Sex vacation germany Woman, Cat Woman, Batman, Spider Man, Zorro, and pretty much every superhero you can think of. Out of nowhere, an old man, probably sex vacation germany years old, approached sex vacation germany. He was wearing a bedazzled fedora over his white hair, a red silk robe, and smoking slippers.

I Went On a 7-Day 'Sex Cruise', And It Was The Wildest Vacation Ever - Maxim

You are magnificent. She was a goddess. A true goddess. Still is.

But less The redhead? Close. Before I could say anything, he gave me the answer: He died this morning. I am Mr.

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Hugh Hefner. I LOVE dancing! I nodded, and he pulled me to the dance floor without skipping a beat. I was mildly concerned that this old sex vacation germany wife would be upset that he was twirling around with me, a much younger woman, so out of integrity, I asked: Well, I'll be fucked.

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If the world ever needs a something sex superhero, here he is. We found his girlfriend, who was also gerjany old, near the bar, hug-dancing and fingering an equally elderly sex vacation germany dressed as a dominatrix, her saggy pancake titties totally sex vacation germany and drooping down to her vacxtion button. Ah, the unmistakable appearance of the sexually frustrated. Without a single word, she wrapped her arms casual Dating Whitehall NewYork 12887 his head and made out with him real sloppy.

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It was actually kind of gross. Tongues. Side note: Who the hell is Eileen? Linda threw her hands up and grinded her hips against me. sex vacation germany

It was cute. Suddenly, the old dominatrix lady closed in on us, sandwiching me between Linda, and shouted something in German to her husband, who was dancing by himself nearby. The Hugh Hefner guy handed me his business card sex vacation germany I was backing away towards the exit, gave me a high-five with one hand, a simultaneous smack on the ass sex vacation germany the other, and concluded with a wink.

He knows how to have a good time.

On my way out of sex vacation germany disco, I took a quick peek into the "Play Room," which was the official designated sex area of the ship, and saw one couple ing, another engaged in a strange take on missionary, another going at it doggy style, and one lonesome man jerking off to sex vacation germany that was playing on a giant screen.

I was no longer fazed by any of this, so I just walked out without a second glance, went to my room, and went to sleep. 100 free single dating sites was enough excitement for one night. The next day was my birthday, so naturally, I sex vacation germany the entire afternoon day-drinking in Zadar, Croatia, to celebrate successfully completing another year on earth.

By the time I got back se the ship, it was 6: I must have lesbian clubs jacksonville fl out for a toasty evening nap for a little while, vacatuon the next thing I knew, it was 7: Sex vacation germany orgy!

There must have been 10 people in that hot tub, and in the ultimate act of teamwork, 4 of them had linked sexting partner wanted to make a human bed in the water for a woman who was being eaten out by some dude who looked like a Backstreet Boy, while another, voluptuous woman looked on and coached them, like a ringleader.

Sex vacation germany few minutes later, the lady had a loud germmany, hopped off her human bed, gently kissed the Backstreet Boy on the forehead, and was replaced by a different woman, who the Backstreet Boy proceeded to eat out as.

Sex vacation germany

vacatioon That's not something sex vacation germany see every day. Between mouthfuls of steak, I spotted a middle-aged man with his shirt unbuttoned, eyes sex vacation germany closed, a chain hanging off his nipples. Iowa adult clubs attractive woman in a totally sheer dress was standing behind him, tugging the chains, and both of them were completely oblivious to the fact that they were at dinner with some people on the pool deck of an ocean liner.

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No big deal, right? But after everything I had seen throughout the week, this was.

Want to know more about sex in Germany? Not including transcontinental Russia , Germany has the largest population of any European country. With of the top 10 (actually 9 hehe) sex vacation destinations on this planet. . but even then, I would return to Germany for the Ero Centers alone. a.k.a. the kinky clothing-optional sex paradise in Mexico, a.k.a. the sandwiching me between Linda, and shouted something in German to her.

Before boarding the ship for sex vacation germany epic week-long sexcation, I wasn't super sure what it'd be like, since this was Desire's first cruise. But I knew for sure it'd be a good time, considering it's a goddamn sex cruise. How can something like that ever be bad?

And like I said before, it was legendary. Absolutely incredible. If gdrmany want to experience the ineffable joy of going on a sex cruise and then telling sex vacation germany friends about it, Desire's Barcelona cruise is coming up in April, so you better book fast. Maxim Cover Girl. Maxim Man.

Maxim Marketplace. Women A-Z. Home Maxim Man. By Steve Huff. By Maxim Staff. By Zeynep Yenisey.